Jake, you sweet little lamb

The Bach has revved up the last couple of episodes, so I thought I'd write about it. My man Neil is still trekking confidently toward the final two, I've added Kyptin to the Blabbermouth-approved front-runner list and I am still mourning the loss of my pick, Ed. However, in the coming attractions, someone returns to sweep Jill off her feet and I predict it will be Ed. He did ask to keep the rose, remember. Ed will return but Jillian will let him go in the same episode... only because he originally said goodbye to her and, regardless of reasons, it's her ego that can't bear to take him back.

Sweet Jake and creepy Tanner P. were let go this week. Tanner P wondered why, but I think it was pretty clear after he stripped to his man-panties and did a few pelvic thrusts... the foot fetish was weird enough but "daddy" went over-the-top and thus, out the door. Jake, who is quite possibly sweeter than daisies being held by the dewy tongue of a kitten sprinkled in powder sugar, also got the axe. It's been swinging over his head for a couple weeks and this will actually be good for him. Nice guys don't always finish last but super cheesy nice guys who give off pubescent stalker vibes usually do. So, take this experience and grow from sweet lamb to a mighty sheep, Jake.

The girlfriend buzz roared it's head again. Wes got so defensive and jumpy when Tanner admitted that he was the squealer (but also said that he never mentioned names), that it was obvious that Wes indeed is the culprit. Wes then proceeded to rant about his music "career" and how he is on the show for publicity... the coming attraction for Wes's hometown date is classic: "meet my band!" Poor Jilly.

So, I actually got riled up during the rose ceremony when no one spoke out and told Jill about Wes's "I've got what I wanted out of this" publicity rant. If you love someone, regardless of whether they pick you, shouldn't you steer them clear of obvious danger? Apparently not. Everyone was silent. Even Tanner P. stayed mum upon his exit; I thought for sure he was going to whisper something in her ear. That guy is worthless.

But nice guy superhero will return soon enough, in full flight regalia, to confront Wes and warn Jillian. That, my friends, is true love. Maybe Jake is a sheep in lamb's clothing, after all. Or maybe he's the next Bachelor... but he may have to fight it out with Ed.

Every once in a while...

... we need a shot of real reality.

I just decided to look at People.com, where I found an "article" saying that the Gosselins are being investigated for animal cruelty by their local Pennsylvania authorities. All this because of an exaggerated and understandable comment made by Jon in an interview saying how his kids beat up the dogs, etc., etc. Basically describing six little kids with a family pet. Really? This is stupid. So stupid that it reminded me of two other recent stories that I've seen.

The first was that the Gosselins were being investigated for child labor violations due to the show, based on a private complaint and the other was some Hollywood Psychologist board or such weighing-in on how bad the show is for the kids' psyches. I also think I read somewhere that a complaint was lodged with their local child protective services.

Now, you will never hear me laud the actions of Jon and K8. Especially not K8 (although, I have to say I have recently begun to see Jon as a rebellious teenager... giving K8 a run for her money in the loathsome department). I don't think having your childhood portrayed on reality television or any television is ideal. I don't think shilling your children as products for material gain, theirs or otherwise, is ever good. So, whatever, do I think the Gosselins are ideal parents? No. Do I think the kids are losing something in the mix? Sure.

But to have all these authorities, who surely have better things to do, investigate this family just because they're suddenly tabloid fodder is ridiculous. And to have this psychologist panel (who surely has nothing better to do...) voice their objections to the kids' situation just because it'll get their own name out there is also ridiculous.

We should be so lucky to have the Gosselin kids be the face of abuse in America. But they're not. Look, of course they're being exploited by their parents a little and it's not good, but there are real cases of abuse and horrific exploitation in America - this is not it. Kids are being cursed at, physically and/or sexually abused, thrown out, and treated like dogs (and not the Gosselin dogs, mind you); and here we are, crying out for the well-being of Mady and Cara Gosselin just because they're eight and still forced to wear matching Gymboree outfits. Come on! Where is this same public concern for the kids that really need our help? Because these kids are all over this country and just down the street for most of us.

I often "credit" September 11, 2001 for turning me (if not the entire country) into a celebrity gossip junky. Not because it is or ever was particularly interesting but because real news was just to traumatic. Interestingly enough, when I had my child I basically stopped cold turkey with the gossip. I guess because reality suddenly became more necessary grasp. I think this universal, artificial and needless focus on the Gosselins is similar to that. It's easier to scream foul at the horribly mistreated Gosselins (gag) rather than acknowledge and seek to rectify the real problem of abused, neglected and exploited children in this country.

Real kids are held down, abused and filmed for perverts to watch. Real kids are called profanities and tossed into the backyard so their parents don't have to look at their faces. Real kids die as a result of ritualistic abuse... even after documented visits by child protective services. CPS departments are generally underpaid and understaffed and thus, most who work there are generally under concerned and under qualified. But, go ahead "concerned fans of the show," direct the CPS resources of Wernersville, PA, to the Gosselin kids. My, what good citizenry is the viewing public.

Oh, and, please! Save those dogs! Give me a break.

Sorry, Angela

I've now seen three epsiodes of the current Bachelorette. Am I the only one who finds it less and less interesting as the season continues? Jillian's demeanor, words, actions, etc., are the same with every single guy. The only guys that have "interesting" on-air personalities are David the raging bull and Tanner with the alleged foot fetish. But neither are likable and neither stir enough drama to make up for all the other boredom in the house. All they do is storm and/or creep around and make you wonder why they're still there.

I still like Ed and Neil but so what? I don't even care. When do we get to the juicy allegations that were hinted about in the premiere? An entire episode dedicated to Chris Harrison would be more interesting that what they're putting out week after week.

At this point, I just watch out of habit and because I still find it fascinating to see that I am older than almost every guy there. It amazes me. Like watching the Olympics. Am I really that old?

For the Kids

As I've said before, I stopped watching JK8 last season because I was bored with organic kids foods and sixteen shoes neatly lined up in the family's garage. Further, I fully intended not to watch this season because of all the drama. It was like my silent moral opposition or something. Well, that lasted until the Tuesday following the Monday premiere. I stood firm for 24 hours.

I have to say, that first episode was horrifying. From the awkward "watch Jon and Kate face each other for the first time" couch confessionals to the tups' birthday, where nothing seemed to be fun. It was so cold and tense, you couldn't even be catty for one moment about it. I even had tears well up when Alexis said, "I love you, daddy" in a moment when you could feel Jon's sadness knowing that the kids would be experiencing an imminent break-up. It is sad.

Throughout the show, I couldn't help but recall K8's endless harping, season after season, how everything she does is for the children (she said it again in this episode), how they'll stop the show when the no longer think its good for the family, and how the show serves as a scrapbook of memories for her kids. Trust me, the kids do not want memories of this episode.

In all of her solo couch-confessionals, K8 threw Jon under the bus. She knows the kids will see this one day (wasn't that the original idea?) and I thought that everything she said was pointed to that effect. She made Jon the unhappy fool "making poor choices that we all have to live with" while she stated, again, how everything that she does is for the kids and that she is "here 100% whenever I am not traveling for work" (I guess then she is 100% with her bodyguard). It's just sad. Sad that she's still railroading this guy in life, on the show and in the press. Luckily, I think most people can see through it. And maybe it's his fault for never growing a pair.

American Idle

So, as many of you know (because I broadcasted it as loudly as I possibly could have), I predicted long ago this Idol season that it would be Adam Lambert v. Kris Allen in the finale and that Kris would win. Well, lookedy-doo! I was right. Blabbermouth: 1, Judges: zero.

I am glad Kris won. Two reasons:

1) as much as I respect the fact that Adam has crazy vocal chops, I think Kris is an equally good musician AND Adam is so theatrical in his vocal stylings that I can't fathom liking his album. I felt like Adam's over-the-topness overshadowed Kris's easy talent. And I'm a fan of easy talent. Don't scream about how he got the young/teeny-bopper vote. His "Heartless" was not teeny-bopper at all; I actually think Adam was more teeny-bop, believe it or not, because of his...

... look. 2) I could not get over Adam's contrived look. I don't mind bad looks. I don't mind rocker looks. I don't mind glam looks. I don't mind goth looks. I mind "I don't know who I am so I dyed my hair black and wear eyeliner, do you think I'm a rocker now?" looks. It was so contrived and cheesy and stupid-looking to me that I couldn't get past it. Despite what the judges consistently said, nothing about Adam's voice or demeanor, especially in the interviews, seemed to be rock to me. So why the ridiculousness? I don't get it. It was like the theater kid trying to be the garage rocker... I don't know. It just lacked authenticity. And it overshadowed his obvious talent. I think that's why he lost. I couldn't buy it, obviously not enough people could.

This season also made me have two beefs. I have beefs with the Christians who voted for Danny Gokey just because he's a worship leader. You know you did it, you can say you liked his boring, one note singing if you want to, but I know he wouldn't have been your pick if you didn't know the worship leader storyline. (The fact that he was paired with Lionel Richie for his duet proves his lame-ocity.) Likewise, I have beefs with the gays who voted for Adam just because he's gay and not afraid to be theatrical. Unlike Gokey, at least he had stage presence and can sing the roof off. My point is, I thought Adam and Danny both benefited from the "he's one of my kind!" mentality that is so lame. Vote for who you think is best.

I'm glad Kris won. But I'm also ready for this show to go dark, never to return.

For Angela

Monday started-off another season of "The Bachelorette." And since Amazing Race, Celebrity Apprentice, Biggest Loser and Hell's Kitchen are all finished for the season, I welcomed back the Bach. But honestly, ABC, are there no eligible American women for this show? ABC selected the modestly attractive Canadian from last season, Jillian. But her grandma is funny so I guess that's something. Nutty Grandma makes up for a butta face.

I actually liked Jillian in that "I don't know you at all but you're on a reality show" sort of way last season. Even so, I found myself so cynical watching this season. I made two general observations:

1) Not a single guy, 30 this season, was without hair product. All wore some version of faux hawk, messy morning or wet-ish looking hair. It made me wonder if these are the guys that are just chosen or if they benefit from a hair/make-up crew. Even if just in the bangs-region, they all had product.

2) Bachelorette men are better behaved than the Bach women. It was striking to me, the absence of a sloppy drunk. Every Bach season there's at least one girl who slurs a rant about how much hotter she is than the other girls and trips her way into the rose ceremony, only to be let go. Then there's crying with one eyelash hanging off. Plus, that girl's ridiculousness usually just overshadows the three or so other drunk girls who manage to stand upright. Anyway, I saw no obvious drunk guys and I gotta say, it made me kind of the like the men and kind of hate the previous women. Maybe the men actually eat carbs.

So, as I said, I was so cynical watching the first episode that as soon as I saw Kryptin. Cryptic? Kryponite? Wait, no, it's Kyptin. Or Kiptyn. Ugh, let's say "Kip!" Anyway, as soon as I saw his little bio, which included him in a wet suit (top pulled down, of course), getting out of the surf (hair product still holding firm against the salt water)... I thought, "How many of these guys are Bachelor rejects?" He is such a Bachelor reject that they called back to be a contestant rather than the main event. I promise you this.

Then, I see country singer Wes. Am I mistaken or did he say he was/is a big hit in Mexico and that there they call him "The Rooster"? Wow, I'm impressed. Another word for rooster is cock. As soon as I saw his bio, I instantly thought "this guy's just hoping to get heard."

Well, I'm either really intuitive or I watch too many reality shows. Or it's just obvious. Or all of the above (most likely)... but what did we see at the end of the show? Previews for the rest of the season which included some of the guys calling Wes out for being on the show just to get exposure (cut to: Wes on stage singing) and some guy telling Jillian that another guy, "told me point blank that he was just here to be the next Bachelor." I'm good, people. Good! There are also allegations that a few of the men have girlfriends back home. Just be thankful they're not wives. This is starting to sound like Daisy of Love.

Shelving my skeptical side for a minute, I like David (though I have a feeling that could change soon), Juan and Ed right now. Ed is my favorite. Though he looks more like 36 than 29. But I suppose I look 31 rather than 25, which is how I see myself. So cheers to aging gracefully, Ed. And how refreshing is it that we won't have to hear the name "Ty" this season? Please, none of you cared. It was obvious Jason didn't.

Nauseating

I just checked on more Gosselin drama. Apparently, the rumors about K8 cheating came from (drum roll)... her brother, Kevin and his wife, "Aunt Jodi." They have a tell-all interview, very interesting, in Star Magazine. It's posted page by page on Gosselins without Pity. Included in it, is K8's telling Jon that the marriage is over many months ago and her drawing up a "secret contract" allowing Jon to have girlfriends so long as he continues to appear on the show... he wanted the show to end one or two seasons ago and she knew he'd ruin her cash cow since she told him the marriage was over. Jon also told Kevin and Jodi that he suspected Kate was, herself, having an affair and that he was the one getting the bad rap. It has other interesting things in there but those are the highlights. I completely thought this was the case - that the marriage is done but staying together for money. It also makes sense considering the photos of Jon's girlfriend, laying out in her bikini, were openly taken on their lawn... it's not like he was hiding it.

Gosselins without Pity also has, page by page, K8's People article. Read the Star article first and then the People article... it is so nauseating. It's basically the real dirt versus her shameless self-promotion.